I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
