seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
