My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
