Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
