oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
