it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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