i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
