I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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