he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Actions speak louder than pants.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
