you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
