That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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