I wish I could teleport
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
