We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
