my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
