just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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