tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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