Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
