Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
