I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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