Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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