I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
