Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
