Jerry, you need to find god
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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