I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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