Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
