Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
