Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
