we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You are a genius and a whore.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
