So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
