it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
