i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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