I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
