but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
