The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
