Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
