i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
