I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
