At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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