just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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