i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
