Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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