Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
