Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
