Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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