Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's just like the Real World with babies
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
