The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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