I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
