Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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