that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
