omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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