So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
