wanna go halves on a baby?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
