i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
