I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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